My mom and I at my sister Nova's first baby shower. 

Melanie Renee Pearson-Simmons-Davis-Davis-Foster-Jenkins aka My Mommy!

So I had a very disturbing dream about my mother last night. I have come to the conclusion that dreams can serve many purposes...they can be sorta self-fulfilling prophesies ( i.e I once had a dream about making out in a bathroom and later that week in fact had some shower action or once I had a wierd dream about Foley's dad and I saw him the next day at the Dental school, coincidence, I think not!) or can be a revelation of your subconscious needs, desires, or aggravations (i.e. I have caused lots of harm to annoying boys in my dreams, and this mother dream of mine also falls under this category). So my mother (her maiden name is Pearson..she's been married only, (and I use the word only sarcastically, 5 times..she's on number 5)
So anyway, my mom hasn't attempted to contact me in like 6 weeks. And the last time she contacted me it was to ask me to watch my little sister Mariah for 2 weeks while she went to California for my sister Nova's labor and delivery....sidenote 1 day before this call I had called Nova to tell her that I would fly into Cali for the delivery room stuff as sorta of my last trip before moving to Chicago....draw whatever conclusions you want from that...so anyway I dont even know if my mother is aware that I am now in podunk Ohio or if she finally remembers what exactly it is I am graduating for...
So I had a bad day yesterday for no reason in particular except that Nate sent me this odd email saying "sorry i got so crazy. you were obviously right. we weren't working anymore. i should have been able to see that then. i hope you are less stressed, i know i am. i feel bad about how i treated you, but i have good memories too. i hope you get evrything you want, say hi to your dad for me. ciao bella n."

Like what am I to do with this sort of information. I think that girls with normal relationships with their mother would call them and the mom would say "he's one crazy bastard...you will sooo do better" etc etc...but my mother is so selfish that the conversation would go more like " yeah I had this husband once who didnt appreciate me til I was gone." and I would be left thinking "when did we switch to talking about you."

Anyway the point is, that the fact that my mother has made no effort to contact me must bother me more than I like to admit. I mean my stepdad (technically ex-stepdad 5 times removed) has called me twice, I talk to my dad every week, I talk to shannon and elizabeth 4 times a week and no mom.

So in my dream, my mom runs off with my boyfriend. It was a boyfriend that I must have made up because I didnt recognize his face but he was a cutie. They ended up driving off leaving me crying on a bench. I woke up at like 7:30 this morning actually crying and it the worst mood ever. I felt physically ill and just depressed over it. I coudlnt stop crying.It was insane. So I went to breakfast. Listened to all my favorite cd's. Did some homework. And went on a shopping spree. Now that's it's been a good 14 hours and $300 (that includes the 2 new pairs of shoes!) since the dream from hell, I feel a little better. I have decided that my mom is the one who is missing out, because I'm getting ready to do some pretty fabulous things that she has no idea about.....oh yeah I got three job offers and more interviews to go on, including a tour of a possible apartment building in Lakeview....I guess if I had popped out a baby when I was 18 she would be more interested.

someone's showing some teeth..... 

Oh Canada...

So Shannon is enroute to good ole Canada to visit Joel. I'm excited and jealous for her, of her...I'm sure she will have an amazing time and that she met Joel for a reason...we'll see if I'm right!

It's completely his fault I have no acceptable pictures. 

On a Happy Note!!!

I have three interviews in Chicago on Saturday and I get to see Foley this weekend!!! YAY, all is well.

I love my friends....can't they all just move with me to Chicago?....pllllleeeeeeeeeaaaassssssssseeeeeeee 

Sundays aren't a good day for me...

I don't know what it is about Sunday's but I'm not very good at them. I generally have good expectation for productivity...productivity in the form of going to the movies, perhaps shopping or sushi...but inevitably i get down and generally poopy and end up staying in my pj's all day watching lifetime movies or random reality television.

It could be that Sunday's used to be "family day" and I have been sans family on Sundays for quite some time. It could be that Sundays became hang out with the boyfriend in bed all day watching movies and ordering in and that I have been without the girlfriend title for awhile. Or it could simply be that I am tired of the nomadic life of the student physical therapist and I'm just ready to have someplace to call home.

I had a good time at home last weekend in St. Louis. We had a pub crawl on Friday which was fun and odd all at the same time...somehow I ended up with Krissy, her sister, and this guy Robert in a car instead of on the bus. I had invited Kraus but he was going to a wedding with a girl friend from undergrad and said he would call on Saturday. I had decided before leaving from Omaha to Stl. that if I didnt see Kraus it wouldnt be a big deal and that I was "over it". I heart denial. It is a very important survival mechanism for me. So anyway I attending my pub crawl and felt pretty and didnt worry about the Kraus situation or boys in general and as per usual fell asleep on the couch with my fake husband John Fisher....I should restate...Fisher fell asleep on my lap some time later I woke up with numb legs, asked him to reposition so that we could both fit on the couch feet-to-head, to which he made an odd noise and preceded to take over the whole couch, leaving me to fend for myself and sleep on the floor....bad husband!

So in the spirit of not being worried about guys I proceeded to make plans for Saturday. We all went over to Jamie Zerrusen-Buening's new house and "watched" the cardinal game. Being that Rachel, Eli and I had gone to the pumpkin farm earlier that day and I had a bratwurst covered in shit and followed that with carmel apples then dinner at Shannons....I had a huge stomach ache at Jamie's and fell asleep during the game. My phone rings around 11pm and it's Kraus. I am currently wearing, well essentially pj's, and I have no desire to change and get pretty. I made this clear to Kraus who said that was fine, he didnt want to go out anyway...so I make the treck from Fenton to the Loop. We watch the Royal Tennebaums and Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and talk about the most random things like how when I lay on my stomach I'm sending out a secret code that I want a back massage...I don't know if that's true but Kraus certainly believes it to be true and I do lay on my belly alot, so I got a lot of massages that night! I was oddly and uncomfortably happy because I knew it would end as it ended before yet I didnt/couldnt leave. I just wanted to stay happy a little longer. The next day we played the "well what are your plans for the rest of the day game" for about an hour before Kraus was finally like you wanna go get something to eat....uh duh! We went to Stir Crazy which is fantastic because I always wanted to go there and the last time tried to go it was with Nate who made us leave because he said the waiter was too pushy...whole other story. So anyway, I treated as sort of an early birthday present as his 25th birthday would be on Tuesday. We talked about odd things at lunch as well such as how the portions on my plate were 2 times the size of his and how he may move to Chicago if he decides to go with anesthesiology or he may stay in Stl and become a surgeon.

We get back to his apt and it is that time when Im supposed to leave...it's the akward goodbye moment...but I really have to pee, so I go back inside and pee. I called Eli to tell her that Meg Ryan movie fest is officially on and I would be back to her apt in 20 minutes. Im not sure exactly what happened but we end up back in bed and I'm out cold for like 2 hours...bad friend, bad friend! I immediately get up and am just like well it was good seeing ya bye, Happy Birthday, good luck with the Internal Med rotation. I didnt want the awkward goodbye with that look of I'm sorry it just can't work right now. I have a handfull of relationship regrets in my life, however, despite everything, I still have no regrets where Kraus is concerned, I just don't like to think about the situation.

I find it depressing that a guy that treats me so well and makes me laugh and is a complete sarcastic ass, who my friends love is just not a possibility. And that the Kraus relationship situation is the picture in the dictionary under "bad timing".