Stopped in for Kimchi, Left $90 later....

In an attempt to make the best out of my sucky work situation, I decided to stop by the Super H Mart in Niles. I was working in Morton Grove, about 5 minutes from the market. I made my grocery list when my last patient left; 1. Kimchi 2. 1 package Spicy Chewing Noodle 3. Oshinko....this should be at most $20
Super H Mart in more a Korean market than anything, but they have a bit of everything Asian (even have some random indian curry) as well as a few restaurants...including an amazing dumpling place, korean joint that has fantastic spicy beef soup and spicy pork dishes, Tokyo Lunch Box sushi, korean "snack" shop, chinese food, and a dessert cafe. I tend to stick with the dumplings, korean restaurant, and sushi!
All of these nooks and crannies lead to me being unable to leave! I walk in, purposely avoid the restaurants, but then getting distracted by the cheap produce...I suddenly remember that I need mint, basil, kaffir lime leaves, and apples are always good!...I finally head to the "deli" section where they have freshly made seafood salad, random pickled or peppered items, and some things I have yet to identify. The deli section is where the cabbage kimchi should be....should be is the key point here...I'm roaming around...dangerous in this situation...can't find kimchi but i manage to try some soft shell crabs that have been marinated in this spicy sauce...I'll just pick up a small package...still no kimchi...hmmm what are these little stringy things....I'll just have a taste, "dried calamari in chili paste you say...okay I'll take a small package!"...still could not find kimchi..so I give up for a bit and head for the refrigerator section...but not before grabbing 2 packages of seaweed salad...sure it's not on the list, but it's soooo cheap here!
I'm mentally staying focused, just grab the oshinko and the noodles and get the hell out of here!...I should point out that I grabbed the carrying basket in an attempt to curb the shopping.
Oshinko and noodles in hand I start to head for the exit. I assume they ran out of the fresh kimchi and i'm anti the jarred variety. A kind lady stops me and says "you try"...okay, "I'll try"..I think..."but I won't buy!"....So I try something called fish cakes...I buy. Then comes what I later figure out was raw tilapia...I'm not sure why I was trying this particular item. The lady handed it to me, told me to dip in in this sauce, next thing I know I'm chowing down on a partially frozen sliver of tilapia...odd I know, but good.
Keep walking Amber, keep walking....I think, "oh wait, let me grab a couple of liters of the Aloe Juice"...3 liters, which I must carry in my hand cause they dont fit in the hand cart to well.
This store is set up like a maze, and I'm convinced at this point that it's set up this way on purpose. It takes serious effort to leave this place and you pass so many tasting stations and goodies along the way.
I decide to ask the fish lady about the kimchi. She directs me back to the deli section. Turns out they are out of the smaller packages of kimchi, but I can get a 5#bag of the fresh stuf...I say why not!
As I'm once again leaving the deli section, I noticed this ready to eat stir-fried vermicelli noodles...I remember that I loved these things and that I should probably venture back to the produce section to get some fresh mushrooms and peppers to add to what would later become my dinner that night!
Lucky me, king oyster mushrooms are on sale and they are giving out samples of the mushrooms cooked with red bell peppers!!!!! It's a sign I'll tell you!
Finally, I reach the check out aisle. There are hella lines...and of course more ladies giving out samples!
This time it's dumplings...and they are delcious...so I sit down my basket...which is now easily 20# and grab some dumplings with "meats" and with "kimchi"...
So, I'm up. My items are getting scanned. I'm watching the monitor. I'm thinking $50 max...the monitor keeps going...I think, maybe $75, those small packages of random pickled items are like $6 a piece....and then the finally the total $89.60.
That was some damn expensive kimchi!
What can I say? I love Asian Markets!

Stalin's Chicken

Back in the day, at the Red Square in Moscow, people gathered to hear Stalin speak. To their likely surprise, he held a chicken upside-down by its feet, and as he spoke, tortured the chicken by plucking out it's feathers one by one. It is documented that the chicken struggled and struggled to get away, unsuccessful, until Stalin decided he was done with the torture and placed the chicken down.

I imagine this bird felt very violated and vunerable...or in the very least cold...and one would hope that he would try to defend himself and start pecking away at Stalin's legs....I've worked with chickens and they can inflict some pain when the want or I dunno RUN AWAY!!!...however, to the audience's...NOT Stalin's....surprise...the chicken began to follow after Stalin as he placed a trail of breadcrumbs behind him as he walked away.

I mean he had just, no less than 30 seconds before, tortured the damn thing...and it followed after him!!!!!....stupid stupid animal.....sadly, Stalin's point was, that humans were no different....He is quoted as saying, “Did you see how that chicken followed me for food, even though I had caused it such torture? People are like that chicken. If you inflict inordinate pain on them they will follow you for food the rest of their lives."

Now Stalin's chickens became a topic of discussion between me and one of my Philly girlfriends, because we were discussing why girls put up with so much bad relationship shit...complain about it blah blah...the boy finally get's tired of torturing you so to speak (or maybe you're a ballsy little chicken and you jump out of his arms)...and he breaks up with you (or you him)... and though said girl is devasted...the minute the boy shows even a little bit of interest (or even worse, before they do)...a text message, a wave, a hello, an IM, and email....anything, anything that they can cling onto...there the girl goes...following that torturer...settling for whatever crumbs he will give her....Is the chicken/girl a masochist? Does the chicken/girl think they cannot possibly survive without these breadcrumbs?...

I don't know the answer really. And though I wish it wasn't so, having examined my past relationships...especially that wicked college one and really the dentist as well...at least in my highschool relationship the boy was the chicken, that's something...but I digress....How does one quit this cycle?

Ladies, I recommend a low carb diet as a start!

Easter Dress

So it's Easter weekend...and I suppose that is why I miss my family so much.

I'm trying to keep myself busy, while simultaneously avoiding stores I like...an effort to be fiscally responsible....so today I slept in until 2 pm....then headed to the movies.
I took in a double feature...I paid for both, I can never get myself to do a freebie...it's a flaw....I saw Adventureland and Sunshine Cleaning. I enjoyed both films...though given that they are in the independent film type genre, they had a slight melancholy undertone...not ideal for current mood, but I'd still recommend them!

By the second movie, I was a bit hungry...and as I gave up candy for Lent....not ideal for movie outings!....I got some nachos and when I reached for the jalepenos, I had a "movie memory" if you will. A year or more ago, at this very theatre, I forced my movie buddy to partake of the nachos and jalepenos...upon him seeing the vat of jalepenos soaking in, I'll admit, somewhat vile looking juice inside this perhaps less than hygenic metal container....he made the comment of "please tell me you're not going to eat those". I was not worried, as I figured, if they were spicy enough, surely any germs in question would be destroyed...plus who likes to think about that sort of thing. So as I reached for the jalepenos today, in individual little plastic containers mind you, I had to laugh. I think the lady at the concession stand might of thought that I was crazy, but...it was good to laugh either way.

I briskly walked along Michigan Ave on the way home. Ignoring the "we're open" signs on my favorite shoe and clothing stores....though I swear Guess was literally calling my name! I just turned up my Ipod louder, blasting a little Thom Yorke is a good anti-shopping maneuver right?
So now the question is wine/bed/read....nap/liquor up/Martini Park....organize some shit/clean?....who knows what the evening holds!.....nothing to crazy....MUST make it to Mass....I just need to find a dress :-) !!!!

Still a Slow Learner

Note to self, never, ever, under any circumstances agree to do your coke-head ex-marine, ex-boyfriend a favor...never never never never never.....
Upon unpacking my stuff from storage and moving into my new apartment, I discovered a binder of marine related stuff that was my exes....left overs from when he lived with me no doubt....and I was perplexed as to what to do. Ryan said to just throw it away; I, being the idiot that I am, decided to try and get it to him.....should have just listened to Ryan!
Having just moved into a new apartment, new responsibilities at my job, flying back and forth to PA etc....I have not had time to mail said package...and have received FB messages from said ex....essentially begging that I send it immediately.....
Now the way I see it, he has been without this shit for like 5 or 6 years now...but suddenly, now that he knows that I have it...it's like he can't live with out it...imagine that, addicted...hmm....
The requests started off calm enough, just slight undertones of angst and bitterness....a familiar feeling...like an oh, yeah I remember this trait about you feeling. I reminded him that I was busy as I just moved, but hadn't forgot about the package, and would send it as soon as I could etc.. etc.. I even went so far as to say, I'll sent you a message when I've sent it, so you'll know when to expect it....he's like a 5 year old, lacks patience...odd for someone who required such patience from his loved ones....so today I get the message: "pardon me... beautiful...i am sure that you are busy...and i know that x-bf's are probably low on the list....and I am truly sorry for every assholish thing that I ever did or said... I really am....I'm not that guy anymore....but please mail me that shit......it means me to me than you could imagine.....gracias n."
Hmm...first thought was, who the hell are you calling beautiful, you have long lost the right to call me by anything but my first name...and even that, I'd prefer not to hear/see. And secondly, "assholish thing".....I think that's an understatement....3 years of whoring around behind my back, with strippers on occasion,....I mean c'mon, make it classy at least, dealing with your supposed *recreational* coke/ecstasy/pot habit, you having the audacity to ask my dad, for my hand in marriage whilst proposing to me and a girl in Spain within the same month, the breakups, the breakdowns, the attempts to give away my lingerie to other women, and trying to give their stuff to me, the sleepless nights, and the lost weight, oh the love letters to my sorority sister, the lies and the Prada bags, and bounced checks, and the "sporadic" trips when I was headed on awesome vacations with my girlfriends, the accusations of me..ME cheating on you, and worst of all the giant craters you put in my heart. I wish that I could collect all the tears that I cried over this *asshole* and drown him in them.
That's what I should have said to him, but instead I said:" "please mail me that shit"....nice... already enveloped and set to be mailed tomorrow "....to which, I'm sure to show how he's "not that guy anymore" he says: "Sorry was drinking it is very nice of you and thank you again". I responded in the only way I knew how, "sounds about right"...odd, he didnt seem to have anything else to say at that point.
I'm an idiotic
My friend Chris was right, you really should cut off all ties with exes.

Secret Obsession

It is a very well known fact that I have a...we'll call it...predisposition to shoe shopping. I think I have an innate..I'll go so far to say, gene-based, drive for shopping and fashion. Case in point, I was trying to remind my grandma who my friend Ryan was...and I was describing him and his family, trying to remember a story or something...and then all of a sudden it hits her..."is Ryan that kid you brought by the house when you were wearing that black and white dress with red 6 inches shoes?"....I of course chuckled, and said yes...to which she responded, "that was a cute little dress, I loved those shoes, too high for me at my age."

My obsession with cute girlie dresses and shoes is undeniable...but I have a secret shopping obsession......bookstores...in particular Borders. I find Barnes and Noble pretentious for some reason, however, when I lived in Philly, it was the closest bookstore to my house so I did frequent it....but now, back in fantastic Chicago, I am once again privy to a BORDERS!!!!...in walking distance...on MICHIGAN AVENUE...ahem..I ventured there today, tonite rather, to buy the next in the set of Stephanie Meyer's books...yes I've become on of those "Twilight" people...I tried to fight it...but the books are damn good! I finished "Twilight" while doing my cardio combo of bike/stair stepper/inclined fast walking...I had intended on running, but I can't run and read..soo yay priorities.

I love roaming around in bookstores, preferably zoning out listening to my Ipod, and looking for my next read....or five! So there I was, on the prowl...I had 4 books in my hand, plus New Moon...and then I realized, likely as a subconscious move to control my spending...that I had only put $25 dollars in my pocket!!!!!!...I had at least $50 in books in my hand....I was so sad...so I slowly put all the books back on there respective shelves...and thought to myself I will be back later...I'll see you tomorrow "Bro Code" "The Reader" "Stuff White People Like" & "Guide to India"...."New Moon"...you're coming home with me tonite!.....so time to get to my Tuesday night date...nothing like Hot Chocolate-Peppermint Schnapps and a good book!

Into the Wild

It's odd, because for days I've been wanting to blog about various random thoughts I've had from how young boys are trained from an early age to take care of women to how carefree and irresponsible college life really is to how incredibly fertile my little sister is...but in the end, I was to lazy and pre-occupied with catching up on my DVR and reading of Twilight, that I did not bother and let the thoughts pass. However, today, I must pick up the old laptop and do a bit of chatting about the film, yes film, and though I rarely use the word film, as a I feel it is meant to depict a work of art, this occasion does call for its use.

Quite some time ago, July of 2005 to be exact, my friend JP posed the question: Chris McCandless, Genius or Jackass?. At the time of this post, I had no idea who this fellow was, or why I should be interested in debating about it...however, now having seen the film directed by Sean Penn, based on Jon Krakauer's book "Into the Wild"...I not only have interest in debating the topic, but also have a new book to add to my every growing list of "must reads".

To put it simply, Chris "Alex" McCandless, in my opinion, was less on a mission of self-discovery, but more on a mission to find happiness. Though I admit the two are related, they are not synonomous. It seems as if he felt the societal norms/expectations, in regards to where ones values should lie, were inconsequential and if followed too closely would lead to misery and unhappiness. It seems as if the last thing this lad wanted was to become this "cookie cutter" type person with 2.5 kids, a dog, and on the verge of divorce....trust me, I get it.

College can be an awakening experience in regards to stimulating the ideals of free thinking. College is typically the first taste of real freedom for most and if not properly guided/filtered/directed....can be quite disasterous. It seems that Chris was running as far away as he could from this lifestyle he dreaded could be his fate. I mean the boy was from Virginia and was headed to Alaska...why Alaska? He cut all ties with his family and home relationships and seemed quite determined not to establish any real relationships with anyone he met....he even used a fake name...Alex Supertramp.

Chris was obviously a well-educated boy, he graduated from Emory, read the works of our most brillant authors.....however, what good is knowledge if it's not applied?

I am all for life "missions" but some of Chris' actions seemed so juvenile which makes me hesistant to give him the moniker of "genius". I mean if you are going to go find yourself in the middle of nowhere Alaska, please pack more than 10lbs of rice, a camera, knives, books and a journal...consider some beef jerky, powder protein supplement, canned goods????....and is burning your cash necessary?? ....especially when you would obviously later need cash to buy a kayak, tents etc.....this "trust fund baby" probably should not have given all his trust to charity ($25,000)....I understand and respect the poetry or symbolism he was going for in ridding himself of all his worldy possessions...but it's called: Proper Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance...i.e. you dying in a decrepit old bus, in the middle of nowhere alaska, weighing in at 72lbs, starved to death.

In the end though, he did find happiness...or rather the conditions which are required in order to achieve happiness- "Happiness Only Real When Shared". In the end, he regretted the decisions that led him to dying hungry and alone in Alaska...I'm quite sure, on his death bed, a wife, 2.5 kids and a dog seemed ideal.

I think poor Chris was searching for love and happiness....in all the wrong places.

I wouldn't call him a genius or a jackass...I would call him a young kid who lost his way, and did not figure out his way back, until it was to late.

New Year's Resolution.....naaahhh

Well the new year has arrived, as per American tradition, tis the time for everyone to spill their New Year's Resolutions....
Now typically, I hop on board this resolution train...and perhaps it could be argued that my lack of forming a resolution, is a resolution in and of it itself, to not confirm to societal norms...but who really thinks that deeply...but this year, I decided not to be typical and ordinary.
Though I should probably work out more, eat better, shop less, save more, settle down, drink less, read more books, peform more charitable deeds and so on and so forth...I don't feel the need to announce this just because it is the beginning of a new year.
I appreciate the symbolism of a new year being the equivalent of a new beginning, a new start, a chance to set things right, but I suppose that since I'm constantly self-analyzing and criticizing and trying to better myself...I dont feel the list these ideals out one by one at the start of every new year...instead, I just try to be the best I can be to myself and others. I think this encompasses maintaining good health-diet, exercise, sleeping more, drinking less, stress management; being giving and selfless-in charity and relationships, romantic and otherwise; and finding happiness-this year may mean finally settling down with someone, but not in a boring way or it could mean moving to Paris for school....who knows at this point!
So I guess, if asked, I will just have to say, my new year's resolution is: To Stay Fabulous and To Just Be Happy....no matter what it takes, or what happiness means for me this year.